Forgiving Ourselves

Is there anything easy about forgiveness? Because I can’t help but think that forgiving ourselves is pretty darn hard too. For the decisions, choices, actions and reactions.

The previous article looked at David and Bathsheba as an example of regret. How do you forgive yourself for killing your wife’s first husband? That is what David did. How does Bathsheba forgive herself for marrying her husband’s murderer? How do I forgive myself for shirking responsibilities? How do I forgive myself for leaving my family? How do I forgive myself for [insert here your personal torment]?

If we have done what was outlined about regretting our past, then it should be easy. I know, that is what was said, now we are talking about the doing. Saying and doing are not the same.

Take it to God

First, go to God with it. The Lord has taken away your sin. Yep, it is that immediate.

Why do we keep thinking of it [whatever your personal torment is]? Why does it keep coming to me? Our minds, our memories, and the enemy will dredge it back up and remind us of all the emotion behind it, the anger, the sorrow, the desire for revenge, the pull of depression and isolation or hopelessness or whatever the feeling is that comes. None of that is from God. When David looked at Bathsheba, for a time he must have remembered how it was that he came to marry her. Did he think ‘I am an adulterer, a murderer and wife stealer’? Did he think about never approaching Bathsheba again and just making sure that she comfortable and taken care of, after all then he wouldn’t have to be reminded of that sin (those sins??)? These are the thoughts that come to us in the darkness. Avoidance and guilt and sorrow. None of that is from God. So, we need to call out to God to defeat it.

Call out to defeat it

State the truth of forgiveness. We need not ask for forgiveness again. Doing so is like continuing to make payments on a house that is already paid in full. There is no account upon which to credit another payment to the mortgage company. We are forgiven. ‘I am already forgiven, and my sin is taken away,’ state the truth. Say it out loud; declare it.

Talk about the consequences. Talk to God and to those who are affected by the consequences. David went to Bathsheba and comforted her. How often do we avoid people who have been involved in our issues? We just want to forget and hope they do to. But David spent time with his wife and made new memories. I think that is key to the consequences, avoidance adds anxiety to our situation whereas the acceptance of consequences and living through them aids the change process.

Can you think of how the Prodigal Son (Luke 15) would have responded if he didn’t interact with those most hurt by his choices? In that case, he would have declined to attend the banquet that his father wanted to throw for him. It would be quite a different story. We would have a gloating brother who says, ‘hmmm he got his due,’ rather than a story of mercy and grace. We have David and the Prodigal who model this working through the consequences by interacting with others after having met up with the Father. Mercy and grace are part of this whole process as we work through it all with God and others.

Worship Him

The last part we considered previously was to worship God and go forth with a changed heart. These are the actions that are part of our everyday worship. We are called to a ‘living sacrifice’ as worship to God and to the ‘renewing of our minds’ (Romans 12:1-2); these are the things that happen in this amazing forgiveness of ourselves and turning to God. His walking beside us, with us, and in us daily as we sin and suffer consequences and recover and become more like Jesus. This is the life of a Christian. Forgiveness is just part of it. A hard part, but the person we are becoming is worth it.