7 Lies Christians Believe About Forgiveness (and the Truth That Sets You Free)

We’ve all heard tidy clichés about forgiveness that sound spiritual but keep us stuck. Let’s tell the truth, let Scripture lead, and walk toward real freedom.

1) Lie: “Forgiveness means forgetting.”

Truth: Forgiveness isn’t amnesia; it’s refusing to use the debt against them. God “remembers sins no more” by not counting them against us (Jeremiah 31:34; Hebrews 8:12; Psalm 103:12). You may still remember what happened—and still choose to forgive.

2) Lie: “Forgiving excuses the wrong.”

Truth: Forgiveness names the harm and releases vengeance to God (Romans 12:19). Jesus asked the Father to forgive His executioners (Luke 23:34). He didn’t pretend the crucifixion wasn’t evil; He bore it and broke its power.

3) Lie: “If I forgive, I must reconcile right now.”

Truth: Forgiveness is your decision before God. Reconciliation is a mutual process that requires truth, safety, repentance, and time (Romans 12:18). Sometimes doors open; sometimes they stay wisely closed.

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4) Lie: “Forgiveness is a feeling.”

Truth: Feelings matter, but forgiveness is first an act of obedience and trust. Jesus says, “When you stand praying, forgive” (Mark 11:25), and “Bless those who curse you” (Luke 6:27–28). Emotions often catch up to faithful practice.

5) Lie: “If I forgive, I can’t set boundaries or seek justice.”

Truth: Boundaries are biblical wisdom (Proverbs 4:23; 22:3). Paul both forgave and warned others about harm (2 Timothy 4:14–15). Forgiveness lays down personal revenge; it doesn’t erase appropriate consequences or accountability (Romans 13:1–4).

6) Lie: “I can’t forgive until they apologize.”

Truth: You can forgive unilaterally and still long for repentance (Colossians 3:13; Mark 11:25). Their response may shape reconciliation, but it doesn’t control your freedom.

7) Lie: “If the pain pops back up, I didn’t really forgive.”

Truth: Healing isn’t linear. Jesus’ “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21–22) isn’t about counting; it’s about continual release. When the memory flares, you can release the debt again. That’s not failure—it’s formation.

A Better Way Forward

Forgiveness doesn’t ask you to pretend. It asks you to tell the truth, entrust justice to God, and walk in the freedom Christ purchased for you. Some relationships will be restored; others won’t. Either way, your heart doesn’t have to live chained to what happened.

If you’re ready for guided steps—naming what was taken, releasing the debt in prayer, and setting wise boundaries—Alive Again: Find Healing in Forgiveness will walk with you. You don’t have to do this alone.