LIE: Forgiveness lets the offender off the hook

Lies We Believe about Forgiveness Series

TRUTH: The Offender is still accountable for their actions even when we forgive.

We sometimes believe lies about forgiveness that end up putting roadblocks in our way. They block the road of our own development. They block the road to the blessings God has in store for us. We have to clear the roadblocks so we can heal from the hurt and move on with our lives.

It is a common thing to hear, or think, ‘She deserves punishment, so I’m not going to forgive until she has paid.’ I am inclined to agree with you. Are you surprised? We all deserve punishment for our wrongdoings, especially our wrongdoings that harm others. Forgiveness though has nothing to do with punishment or revenge. Forgiveness has to do with our healing and not letting hurt keep us back or drag us down.

Forgiveness is about releasing me from the pain and anger of the offense, not the releasing the offender from accountability. It releases me from being the one who holds the person accountable. God steps in to hold the balance sheet on the offense, to hold the person accountable. Let’s look at a generic example of two strangers.

Mrs. Adams returned form a weekend away to find that her house had been broken into and all of her precious belongings carted away; the safe had even been opened and her mother’s necklace taken as well as 1,000 USD in cash. She has lot to forgive the perpetrator(s), let’s keep it simple and call them the offender. Mrs. Adams wants her belongings back and the offender jailed for the offense.

How does forgiveness help?

How does it help the offender? How does forgiveness help Mrs. Adams?

Scenario 1: Mrs. Adams does not forgive

Mrs. Adams has a choice to make. If she does not forgive, I can see the following scenario develop. She develops bitterness over the items that were not recovered, including the cash. She is fearful of leaving her home unguarded and decides to install a top-of-the-line security system. She worries when she goes into the garden because maybe they will come back for her. She is fearful when she goes to court to watch the proceedings when the offender is caught. She feels no satisfaction in the sentencing when the offender is found guilty.

The offender has to provide restitution for the stolen goods and still has to pay through jailtime for his misdeeds.

Scenario 2: Mrs. Adams forgives

When Mrs. Adams forgives, she is able to heal from the violation of home and personal property damage. She is able to move on from the fear and anger that the violation caused her to feel. She walks freely in her house and around it, without fear of harm. God has been able to work in her heart to overcome the impacts of such sin against her. She is not bitter over the loss of precious items or the cash. She is saddened by the loss of a few items, but not holding them tight. She goes to the courthouse to watch the proceedings and finds that the sentence is just or even harsh for these few belongings she is missing.

The offender has to provide restitution for the stolen goods and still has to pay through jailtime for his misdeeds.

The offender has the same result in both scenarios.

When we hold on to the desire for revenge or for someone to pay for what they have done to us, we are rarely satisfied by what men can do in revenge. Instead, when we forgive, we are not only satisfied, but filled with mercy and compassion for those who have sinned.

Revenge is for the Lord

Forgiveness, according to Wikipedia is, ‘is the intentional and voluntary process by which one who may initially feel victimized, undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding a given offense, and overcomes negative emotions such as resentment and vengeance (however justified it might be).’ I honestly can’t see this happening on my own, of my own volition. How does this change of feelings happen? I only see it happening as a work of the Lord, the Holy Spirit in us. I only see it happening because the Lord claims the right for all revenge and account-keeping for himself.

Romans 12:17-19, 21 encourages us to release the desire for vengeance and evil-doing, to let it go because God will take care of it for us.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. … Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Rom. 12:17-19, 21)

I trust that God will deal with the offender, and I don’t have to. I know that trust is hard. In a personal, intimate relationship with God, when we forgive, he heals our hurts, our trust grows and gradually that desire for revenge is also taken away and replaced by trust in the Lord.

Forgiving does not let the offender off the hook, it transfers the hook to God, and he decides what to do with it. God claims revenge for himself, we have no need for it.

If this article has made you realize you might need some guidance about forgiveness, be sure to check out my book Alive Again: Find Healing in Forgiveness. The book is a practical guide and Bible study in one, including God’s forgiveness for us, defining forgiveness, recognizing unforgiveness, a discussion of reconciliation and steps to keep your sanity in broken and mending relationships.

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